You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
