Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
