Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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