I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
