I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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