I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My liver just had a heart attack.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
