Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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