You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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