Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
