I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
