i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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