I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
