You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
