i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
