If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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