How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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