as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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