bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
