Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Life is so much better after having sex.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
