i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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