Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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