so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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