Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
