Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
