you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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