You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
