so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I supernannyed him into submission
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize