Fine. I'll sleep in my office
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
