I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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