I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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