I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
