Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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