True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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