That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
