Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
