I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
