i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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