i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
