weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
