I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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