So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
