dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
