Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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