So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
