I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
