i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
