1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
