All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
