well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Randomize
