good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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