Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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