just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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