I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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