oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
