i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
