Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
