If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize