is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
