last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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