my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
