I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
