My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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