The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
