Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dignity is for republicans.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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