We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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