Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize