I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
