He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
