its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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