I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize