Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
