I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
