I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
