well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
