I want to make a zoo with you.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
