This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
50% drunk capacity currently
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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