I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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