my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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