ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
