I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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