His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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