I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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