now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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