you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I want a musical about memes.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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