Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
wow bdsm is so cute
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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