they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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