The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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