just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
