If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize