Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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