my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
