i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
