I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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