I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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