Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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