when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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