a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he puts the penis in happiness.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I lost the right to judge tonight
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
