my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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