Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
