yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
