So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
