He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
